Romeo and Juliet Caused SIX Deaths.

My least favorite story of all time is Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Its about two kids who "fall in love" and then kill themselves in a span of five days. What I hate most about it is Romeo. He starts off by being madly in love with Juliet's cousin names Rosaline. Then the same night he falls in love with Juliet! Then they start lying and people start dying and it becomes this whole mess just because two people took their lives into their own hands.

From my perspective, it's not a love story. I see it as a warning of what happens when you take life into your own hands. I look at the differences in my life from the past month and the present. Last month my biggest problems were finding a full time job and being heart broken. Now my biggest worries have to do with dealing with hospital visits, constant pain and just finding the strength to get out of bed.

I think, like most young Christians, I tend to pray and want to walk in the way God has desired for me. We always pray, "God have Your way". Yet we question Him when things aren't going the way we would like them to go. I remember being so upset for not having a full time job and so heart broken when my relationship didn't go the way I felt it should. But now, I couldn't even imagine dealing with what I am going through with those factors in the equation. I had to cut back on almost every part of my life to focus on my health.

Looking back, God wasn't trying to be harsh. He was trying to ease the sudden blow of sickness. I know that this is a season. And I am thankful to God that He has me in His hands. I am thankful that He knows what I am gonna deal with today, this season and the rest of my life. I am thankful that He has a plan for me. I know that this might not be the ideal life for a 24 year old. But this is the life I have been given. I know that when we suffer, He suffers.  And I also know that He works all things together for the good. I know that I am learning strength and reliance on God. My faith grows every day and His promises become more apparent as well.

One day I will live a full life. I know that I will be an awesome creative arts director. I know that I will travel the country effecting people's lives through the arts. I have faith that one day I will have an awesome man of God by my side who is gonna be freakin legit. And I know that I know that one day I will be one hundred percent healthy. So instead of taking my life into my own hands, like Romeo and Juliet, I choose to continue to trust God and put my faith and hope in His promises. I pray you do the same as well. I pray you take time to reflect on your life and everything that God has brought you through. Know that He has your future in His hands, and know that it is gonna be awesome. So continue to trust God, even in your time of pain, because God knows what He is doing.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

What I Learned from Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Because my mother and I serve in different ministries, we never get to go to Sunday service together. I usually go on Saturdays and she usually goes to the last Sunday morning service before she serve in Spanish Service. When she gets home, we have made it a habit to discuss the sanctuary service. I went first, then my mom started to talk. She said that the offertory song "He'll Do It Again" really touched her. She said this as her eyes watered. So I grabbed her hand. She began to cry as she said some of the lyrics "We may not know how, and we may not know when, but He'll do it again". She went on to say that God brought us through this the first time, and He will do it again. By the time she stopped talking, I was crying too.

It brought me back to the movie 50/50. The movie is about a young man who has a 50 percent chance at life. It follows his life and the people around him. In a later scene, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character has a big fight with his best friend. Later that night he finds his friend's book with notes and highlight areas about getting through sickness, making him realize that his friend has been there every step of the way and helped him all along.

As my mom cried, and as I thought about the movie, it made me think of all the people who were there for me and who have been here for me the past four years. When you are sick, you tend to think about yourself, you forget about all the pain and struggle it causes the people around you. Without my mom and without my best friends, I don't think I would have the perspective I have today. My mom and my friends are a pillar of strength and I love them so much for it.

Renae- She is the type of person that keeps it real. She doesn't tolerate pity or self doubt. She understand that I am in physical pain, but she never lets me dwell on it. She is the only person that really asks about my everyday life, like school and ministry. She keeps me focused on my day to day life, and I am very thankful for that.

Lauren- This woman is pretty awesome. She is someone who doesn't need to say anything and makes you feel better. She reads me very well, so she knows when I am happy or when I just need to be away from the world. She is the friend that understands my mood the most, so I like being around her. When I am around her, I don't have to pretend to be strong. I can just be me, and she is ok with that.

Scott- This guy. He is the friend that keeps me smiling. I get silly text messages about sticks, Wolverine and Star Wars. I know he is a very busy man, so for him to take time out of his day to talk nonsense really means a lot. I know that when I am finished talking to him, I will be smiling, and thats something I think every person who is sick needs.

Jani Lopez (aka the best mom in the world)- She has been there every step of the way, and when I am to weak, she has carried me through. She is the strongest woman I know and the most loving mother. I couldn't get through this without her. When I can't physically do something, she will help me do it. She has stayed up countless night helping me take my pills, getting me water, or just praying over me as I cry. On nights when I can't sleep because of the pain, she will even lay by my side until I fall asleep. Words can't describe how selfless she is and how amazing she is.

Like the song says, we will get through this again. Thank you guys so much for being by my side. Thank you for not abandoning me. I know sometimes it may not be easy, and I am sure sometimes you don't know what to do or say. But being who you guys are is more than enough. I love you and I thank God for you.

To anyone who is sick, I encourage you to take time today and reflect on the amazing people in your lives that we take for granted. Don't forget that they are going through this with you. They may find it hard as well. Take time to thank them for being there. And if you are healthy, I pray you take time to make an extra effort this week to be there for your friends. They need you more than you think, and you influence them more than you could imagine.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

The Blame Game

On Thursday nights, I have History Revival class. Its pretty awesome, we learn about people and the effect they have had on revival. Its a super tough class, and I am definitely the youngest person there. It's a two hour class, so we usually have a 10 minute break in between. Last night, Mr and Mrs. Scherer (an amazing couple I have known for a majority of my life) asked if they could pray for healing. To my surprise, the whole class wanted to pray. I thought, "Awesome, revival in revival class. God you are so cool like that."
After a good fifteen minutes of prayer, it was clear to me that I felt just as sick as when we started. Even though my body wasn't completely healed, I felt a peace, and I was just thankful to have a class that loves me enough to pray for me. It's hard to get out of bed and go to class, so little things like this make it feel worth it. I felt encouraged and grateful.

 Maybe five minutes after we sat down, two people began to ask questions about healing. The two people said, "We can all have faith, but if she [referring to me] doesn't have enough faith, we aren't going to see a miracle". After standing for 15 minutes, I was to exhausted to rebuttal. But I thought "not enough faith?? haha you clearly don't know me."

 First, I firmly believe that God is the Healer. I know that at any second all He has to say is one word and I am healed. There is no need to question my faith. I wake up every day knowing that I will dance again. Its my faith that keeps me going, my faith that keeps me strong. Second, there are so many examples in the Bible where people did not have faith and God still did a miracle. Look at the Israelites leaving Egypt, God still parted the sea. Jonah fleeing his calling, God still brought him to Ninevah. Thomas and the disciples, Jesus still rose from the dead. My God is omnipotent, that means that He is all powerful. He can do whatever He wants.

After class, Jorrel pulled me aside to remind me that. I don't know what those people in class where trying to do. Make me feel bad? Try to put the blame on someone? In the end, I don't feel bad for me. I don't care if they think I don't have enough faith. I am a living testimony of faith! I feel bad for them. Just because God doesn't answer your payer the way you want Him to doesn't mean He isn't healing. I feel bad that they thought they had to make excuses for an omnipotent God, by blaming someone's faith. In the end, God can heal me right now or He can use a surgeon as a tool. No matter what He does, He is God, so why question His ways?

The two things I learned last night was that its awesome to see people like Mr. Scherer step out in faith. I encourage everyone too. It was a blessing to have him pray for me, and I know that my healing is coming. Second, I am thankful for people who know me enough to tell me not to listen to discouraging people. I am thankful for Jorrel and the fact that he spoke up. When people are sick, they don't need people blaming them, they need people like Mr. Sherer and Jorrel to stand beside them.

 I hope that today, if you are sick, you know that there are people standing with you and agreeing with you in prayer. And if you are healthy, I pray that you continue to support your loved ones going through a tough time. Today, take time to remember, God is the healer, and every day is a miracle.

With hope and love,

Jesalyn

The Big Question

Today, before class. I went to the church early to pray. My favorite place to be with God is in front of the church at the cross. I sat on top of my car, wrapped in my blanket as I talked to God. As I was praying, one of my girls drove by and stopped her car. I told her to get out. We had a quick conversation. Both of us sick, and I am sure both of us weak. We began to cry, and the only thing that she got out of her mouth was, "Why?"

 Its hard to think about being sick. We question God. Why us? Why now? I am just a girl. I can't do it. I can't lie; sometimes I ask God the same thing. But then I am reminded of Job. He lost everything. He was sick. It was so bad, that he wanted to die. (And anyone facing physical pain knows the feeling). When God finally answered Job, He takes three chapters to remind Job that God is God. He has everything in control.

 In the end, God knew that Job was strong enough to get through his pain. With our lives, God is in control. He is the same God that created the earth, and the same one that holds the sun in its place. He knows what we are going through, and He knows we can get through it.

So I have learned to stop asking, "Why is this happening to my life?" Instead I ask, "What can I do with the life I have?" In the end, we can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we look at the situation. Instead of walking in pity, we need to walk in strength. I pray for strength over you all. I pray that we continue to know that our lives have purpose, even in sickness.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

First Things First, Why start a blog?

The past two weeks I have been struggling with my illness. I have bone metastasis in my humorous. Basically I have a tumors growing in and breaking my bone. One of the first medical symptoms of it is "excruciating pain". I have battled this for four years now, and this is the second time I am going to be going to surgery. The first time I was very quit about it. I was going to do the same until two weeks ago.

 Every Sunday I have had the privilege of mentoring a group of junior girls at my church. This week, one of my girls began to open up about her illness. In this moment, I realized that there are so many young girls that struggle with their every day health, and they feel alone in it. I am writing this to encourage them and to let them know that with God, we can conquer all. 

At this point, every day is a struggle. I feel sick and weak. It hurts to get up in the morning and it hurts to sleep at night. That is why for me, every day is a miracle. This blog is dedicated to the two girls in my small group that wake up every day facing their illness. This is for every person who is scared to face the physical pain and exhaustion of their day. This is for the person who know how it feels to walk around a hospital and feel at home. I pray that this allows people to be encouraged. If you are going through something similar, you need to know that you are not alone. God is in control. 

To my two girls, you are beautiful, you are loved, and you are strong. 
With hope and love,
Jesalyn