Truth Found in A Bottle

"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?"

 Psalms 56:8 

There are many times in life and through our struggle when we cry out to God, and we feel like He does nothing to help. It becomes hard for us when we don't feel Him or when we don't see our circumstance change. But the above verse describes God's true love for us.

God not  only hears our cries, He puts our tears in a bottle and saves them. This verse is describing how much He cares about your situation. He loves us so much that He promises to never forget your pain. 

The more I talk to you guys, the more I see so  much pain. Today, I just want to reaffirm God's love for you. I want to remind you that He is standing by your side and He is holding you so tight. I know it's tough when we can't feel or see Him. It gets harder when we cry out and see no change in our lives. But those are times we need to rely on His Word.

I pray that you find peace in knowing that God is right by your side as you walk through illness, depression and life's pains. I pray that you will look over this scripture, even write it somewhere you will see it often. Let the verse get into your heart. Because even though we may not feel the effect of Christ's love right in our very moment of crying out, the truth is, He is there catching every tear and saving them. He is putting your pain in a precious bottle, and He promises to never forget them.

Last night I heard this song. I think its a raw look at how I felt in that very moment. With pain and life's frustrations, I was able to take a second to cry out to God and just let all of it go. I have a peace in knowing that it is in His hands. He carries it all in His bottle. I hope that as you listen to the song, you are able to do the same. 

With love and hope,

Jesalyn

Pushing Through the Crowd

I love our youth ministry.There has been many times when we go to concerts or events where there is a crowd right before the stage. As soon as it is permissible, our youth usually rush the stage to get to the front. I am sure growing up I did the same, but now, as a leader, the only reason I have to push through the crowds is when I have to get to someone. Have you ever had to push through a crowd to get to one person or even to just experience the one-on-one feel with the person on the stage?

The other morning I woke up and the first thought that came to my mind is, "I did it". I realized I finally pushed through. There are times in our lives when we have to push through our sickness to reach the healing God has promised us. There is still months of physical therapy and even a chance of recurrence, but I know by faith that I am healed. Over this process, I have had the opportunity to talk to so many young people who have struggled with sickness, depression and life's pain. And I have been praying for you guys nonstop.

I want to bring you back to the biblical story of the woman with the issue of blood. She was sick for twelve years. In that time, people who were sick lived on the outside of town, unable to live normal lives. Their society looked down on them and labeled them outcasts. The more of you I talk to, the more I see the loneliness and hopelessness that is brought on by your struggle. But I want to remind you of one thing. We aren't called to live by society's labels or even the labels we give ourself.

This woman had to push through the same people that labeled her as an outcast, she had to push through her twelve year mentality of her sickness, depression and pain. And thats just what we need to do. It's not easy. In fact, its probably one of the hardest things you will have to do in your sickness. But it's worth it once you touch the hem of Jesus' garment.

Jesus tells her, that her faith has healed her. She didn't live by societies label, she didn't live by her sickness. Her actions prove that she knew she would be healed. Our actions should speak the same way.

So today I pray as you touch the screen and read this prayer, you prepare for your healing. I truly believe that healing is going to flow through each and everyone of you. All we need to do is walk by faith and reach the hem of our Savior.


Heavenly Father,
I pray that right now, Your healing power will overflow in us. As we reach out for our miracle, allow us to see Your promises. I pray that You show up in a new way. Renew our hearts and our minds. I pray for the chains of depression to be broken right now. Allow Your joy to overflow. God, show them Your purpose. I pray for the sick to be healed. For tumors, aches, breaks, colons, epilepsy, intestinal and stomach issues, asthma to be taken off of these young bodies in the name of JESUS. By Your stripes we are healed. I pray for the pains of live that have consumed so many to be taken. I pray for deliverance, for protection and for strength. Allows us to touch Your hem. As we push through our society's labels and as we push through the doubt in our mind, meet us here. Release Your power. In Jesus name. Amen.


I hope that tonight you receive your miracle. I hope that you will push through the doubt and the labels, and see yourself as healed.
With love and hope,
Jesalyn


Mat 9:20-22; Mar 5:25-34; Luk 8:43-47

Thorn in The Flesh

A Thorn in the flesh is defined as a chronic infirmity, annoyance or trouble in one's life. There are different theories about what Paul's specific "thorn" was, but most agree that it was a physical sickness or infirmity.

I think sometimes when we are sick, we get so frustrated because we pray so much. We have people lay hands on us. We walk in faith, knowing that God will take our sickness away. It's clear that Paul did the same. The scripture says that  he not only prayed, but pleaded with the God three time. Just to remind you, Paul was one of the early church apostles that went around healing people and performing miracles. The miraculous life was his lifestyle, and yet, God did not take his sickness away.

God then tells Paul that in his weakness, God is the strongest. Instead of being depressed about his illness, Paul begins to boast in it. He recognizes that because of God, he is strong. Because he is weak, God's power will rest in him.

Today is day 13 in my recovery. My arm is in a sling, and I can't move it much. Despite my arm, today is the first day I feel strong enough to get out of bed by myself. I even went into the kitchen and warmed up my dinner alone. I wish I could express how happy I am and how thankful I am to be getting physically stronger. I thank God so much, that He has been my strength through this. If I did not rely on His strength, I do not think I would be as determined as I am today to see my full healing. I thank God for His love and for His strength that  He pours on me.

Through God's grace, you are strong. Instead of becoming depressed, allow yourself to look around and be thankful Christ's power is in you. He has brought you this far because of His strength. If we rely on our weakness, we are not going to get far. But if we trust in His strength in us, we are able to move mountains. We don't have to be happy that we are sick, but we can be happy that in our weakness, Christ's strength perfects us. Today, I pray you allow yourself to be thankful for His love and strength for you.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn


2 Corinthians 12:7-10

⁷ And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. ⁸ Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. ⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The Scars That Show I Belong to Jesus

"For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus." Coming from Galatians 6:17, this is the tattoo written down my back. In June, I found out that the tumors were back. In that moment, it was very difficult to even understand how I would get through this again. The first time was hard enough, and this time I would come in knowing what I would be fighting for a second time.

The first few days of finding out that my tumor was back were some of the hardest times of my life. I have been walking around healthy for two years, and to imagine going through this again was hard. I knew that the testing would begin, and that the doctors would begin to start monitoring its growth.

Although the pain was sporadic, I was able to manage it quite well. Through this time, the scar on my arm from the first bone tumor and the scar on my side from my ovarian tumor kept me focused. There were times when I would spend crying in the shower over the situation, but when I would look in the mirror, I would see the scars.

These were the visual markers that reminded me that I could do this. It reminded me that I belong to Jesus. If He got me through this before, He will get me through this again. During this time, I decided to get this verse tattooed down my spine. It reminded me of who I was and who Jesus is to me.

As I continued my every day life, my fear began to pass. I had so many people praying for me, and I knew that I would be restored to my fullest. In October, I began to get really sick. I became weak, and the pain began to take over my body. It became apparent that we needed to act quickly, and on November 7th, I had my surgery.

Right before I went into surgery, my mother took this picture of me. I think it will be my favorite picture of all time. As I looked at this picture before going in, it put me at ease, knowing that I am His. And as I look at this picture now, I know that no matter what happens, I belong to Jesus.

Today I am home, and I am feeling lucid enough to write. The day before going into surgery, Pastor Ron told me to meditate on scriptures. And in the hospital thats what I did, I recited them, I read them, I prayed them.

I hope that as you read this, you are reminded of some of your favorite scriptures. I pray that as you go through your sickness and your pain, you remember to grab onto His Word. I pray that you remember that you are His. And I pray you continue to fight with strength.

With hope and love,
Jesalyn

To Be or Not To Be, That is The Question.

"I wonder if David ever felt like giving up" These were the first thoughts that came into my head as I woke up this morning. For the past month I have been reading about the life of king David. I think that it's cool that there are two books written about him in the Bible, and then books written from him to God. It's like you can read his mind and heart as you read through his story.

Although he became known as the king after God's own heart, he started off as a young boy with a calling. As he grew, he had to flee just to save his life. I am sure the time between killing the giant and becoming king really made him question his calling. Why would the future king of Israel have to hide in the wilderness? He went from having favor with the king, living in the palace with a really sweet job, to fleeing for his life in the wilderness.

In this time, I wonder if David ever thought about giving up. I wonder if he ever woke up feeling the way I feel. I am sure we all go through this thought process. The truth is, even right now, I have to take steps back from typing, because I want to throw up. Life is hard. Sickness is hard. And there are always times where we just want to throw in the towel, and give up.

But then I go back to the question I asked myself earlier. I am sure that there were times David wanted to give up. But the key is that he was a man after God's heart. When you are after God's heart, you know that giving up isn't even an option.

I think it's fine to have thoughts like this every once in a while. Sickness is hard, and there are times when we feel like we just don't want to deal with it any more. But in the end, we need to remember to go after God's heart and God's plan for our lives. If David gave up while he was in hiding, he might not have ever become king. If we give up now, we might not ever see the glorious outcome God has for us.

So today I pray that in your times of feeling weak, God gives you the strength to keep going. In your times of wanting to give up, I pray you remember God's promised you. Remember that we are human, and physical and mental pain does hurt and take a tole on us. But also remember that God is God and we need to let Him be that. Because when we let go, we forget that giving up is even an option.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

Even If

Heavenly Father,
Today I pray for faith to fall upon the sick. I pray for strength upon us. I pray that You give us a renewed mind, knowing that You are God. I pray that Your love will overflow our hearts. I pray for miracles to be released. I pray for the power within us to continue to fight. Allow us to trust You and Your ways. Help us to not question Your path for us. But most of all, I pray that we can look at our lives and know that You are good. I pray that in times of weakness, we praise You. But most of all, I pray that if healing does not come the way we want them to, we will remember that You are always good. You are God. We praise You for this. Guard us and give us peace.

I love you so much,
Jesalyn

Every day is a miracle. God is working through your life every day. I pray that in your journey, you can remember that He is the Healer, He is All Powerful. In your moments of waiting for your miracle, know that God is still good. And we are to praise Him till the very end. So lets praise Him. Lets fight and stand strong as we hold on to His promises for our lives.

This song touched me today. I pray you listen to it and I pray it becomes your heart as well.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

Fear Factor

Fear Factor is the show that started in the early 2000's. I remember watching it and wondering if I would be able to do the stunts. There were some stunts that seemed doable. But others that would make my skin crawl. The final person left standing would win $50,000 and hear the iconic words "evidently, fear is not a factor for you."

As my surgery becomes more near, I find myself becoming more afraid. I am being seen my an awesome surgeon who specializes in these tumors. And with a different doctor, comes different methods of preparation. One of the tasks that I have is to go online and complete these interactive Kaiser videos about what's going to happen to me before, during and after surgery. Knowing the intricacies and risks have caused me to have moments of fear that begin to consume my mind, if I choose to not refocus. 

My favorite verse of all time is Psalms 27:1, "The Lord is my light and my salvation, who shall I fear. The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid." In moments of fear, I know I need to remember that God is my stronghold. The dictionary defines a stronghold as "a place that has been fortified so as to be protected if against attack" A few days ago, one of my youth had a dream I was having surgery in San Francisco, and they saw angels and God's presence in the operating room. They told me this before I announced that I would be having surgery and before anyone knew it would be in San Francisco. 

Moments like this help me to know that God is really protecting me, and He is doing the same for you. Yes, sickness is scary. With sickness comes hospitals, medication and surgery. But God is our protective wall. He is not going to let anything through that will devastate us. Because of this we have nothing to fear.

Tonight I pray that if there is any fear in your heart and mind, you give it to God. Allow yourself to see the walls of protection around you. Allow yourself to feel the peace that God has placed all around. God is our stronghold, we have noting to fear. Let us pray for strength. I want to get to the end of my life and hear God say, "evidently, fear is not a factor for you". And I pray you strive for the same. 

With hope and love, 

Jesalyn

As Bob Marly Once Said: Don't Worry, Be Happy

In Bob Marley's famous song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy", he says, "In your life expect some trouble, but when you worry, you make it double." Although I live on the opposite spectrum  of his life philosophy, I found a nugget of truth in his lyrics. So maybe as you read this, you can take a second to turn on the song and allow yourself to relax and be happy.

Although Bob Marley gives no solution as to how to fix your pain, the Bible says a lot about dealing with life's blows. Philippians 4:6 says this, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

I think many times when we are sick, we worry about the worst that can happen to us. We look at the devastation it causes in our homes, our school/work lives, and even our every day relationships. We think about the setbacks it has caused our future. We think about the possibilities of having no future at all. Now, in sickness, I don't believe that its an excuse to not worry about our lives. We need to continue to make wise decisions that get us through this season and that positively effect our future. But when the worry gets to the point of anxiety, we need to give it to God and let it go.

The chapter continues with this, "and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." On Wednesday, I went to serve at the youth concert. It was also my last night with them for a while. So I decided that I wanted to give one hundred percent. For the first time in weeks I actually put more than 5 minutes into my appearance, I made sure to monitor my medication intake and I tried my best to not look or act sick.

Because I was there early to set up, one of the youth and I decided to do a slurpee run at 7/11. As we were getting to the car she said, "I can tell you are in pain, you hide it well though". We laughed about it. But it was true, I was in pain, I felt very sick, especially in the middle of the night. But in those three hours, being with the kids and having real fun, I was physically sick, but my spirit didn't feel sick. I was having the most fun I have had in a long time just by watching the kids having fun. I was truly happy.

There is a difference between feeling sick and being physically sick. When we meditate on our sickness, it becomes even more of a burden. We get so consumed with it, we forget to enjoy the pieces of life we can. The scripture is clear, if we give our anxiety to God, He will give us peace. He will guard our minds. Although sickness is hard, God still gives us times where we get to be honestly happy. In those moments, I encourage you to take them.

So this week, when you become overwhelmed with your sickness (or life's pains), I pray you take time to just give it to God. Allow Him to give you the peace you need, and allow Him to tell you, "Don't worry, be happy." Because in times of physical pain, our happiness isn't found in outward things, its found in God. And God is all we need.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

Blue Pill or Red Pill

We all know the iconic scene in the Matrix when Morpheus give Neo two options that come in the form of pills. The blue pill would allow him to go back to his mediocre life, while the red pill would cause him to experience the deeper level of their reality.

In class on Tuesday, we went over Acts 16. This is the chapter which accounts Paul and Silas in jail. Pastor David Sell said something profound that struck my heart. He said, "In our darkest hour our reflex is to either complain or worship." It blew me away. I saw the Matrix scene in my head and imagined sitting in Neo's chair, while God gave me the ultimatum. When we are faced with a dark time in our lives, we have two choices. We can look at the surface level and choose to complain, never doing anything about it, or we can chose to go to a deeper level spiritually through worship and experience a breakthrough. The way we choose to act in the situation drastically effects the outcome.

Acts 16 took a whole new perspective for me.We hear this story all the time, but we need to take a step back and imagine the scene. These two men were in the inner part of the jail. Their feet were in blocks and their hands chained to the wall. They were far from comfortable. Its midnight, meaning it was literally pitch black. They were just beaten with rods and were hungry, thirsty and tired. In this very state, they began to praise God. They exalted Him. And when they did this, God's power came down on them so great that the earth began to shake and they were freed.

In your time of darkness, don't you want God's power to overcome the situation? I know I do. So next time we are faced with the reality of our sickness (or any dark situation in life), remember that we have two choices. We can either complain, which does nothing but keep us at the surface level, or we can lift up our most powerful and faithful God. We can give Him glory for everything He has done in our lives so far. We can thank Him for the gift of eternal life. Because our time of praise is when God's power is gonna come down.

Today I pray that in your sickness, you find the strength to give God praise. I pray that we stop the attitude of complaining and thank God for everything He has done for us. He has given you the miracle of today. And He has given you a hope and a future. I also pray that as you praise our Heavenly Father, that miracles and breakthrough will come down no matter how big or small. He is always faithful, so lets praise Him for that.
With love and hope,
Jesalyn

Romeo and Juliet Caused SIX Deaths.

My least favorite story of all time is Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Its about two kids who "fall in love" and then kill themselves in a span of five days. What I hate most about it is Romeo. He starts off by being madly in love with Juliet's cousin names Rosaline. Then the same night he falls in love with Juliet! Then they start lying and people start dying and it becomes this whole mess just because two people took their lives into their own hands.

From my perspective, it's not a love story. I see it as a warning of what happens when you take life into your own hands. I look at the differences in my life from the past month and the present. Last month my biggest problems were finding a full time job and being heart broken. Now my biggest worries have to do with dealing with hospital visits, constant pain and just finding the strength to get out of bed.

I think, like most young Christians, I tend to pray and want to walk in the way God has desired for me. We always pray, "God have Your way". Yet we question Him when things aren't going the way we would like them to go. I remember being so upset for not having a full time job and so heart broken when my relationship didn't go the way I felt it should. But now, I couldn't even imagine dealing with what I am going through with those factors in the equation. I had to cut back on almost every part of my life to focus on my health.

Looking back, God wasn't trying to be harsh. He was trying to ease the sudden blow of sickness. I know that this is a season. And I am thankful to God that He has me in His hands. I am thankful that He knows what I am gonna deal with today, this season and the rest of my life. I am thankful that He has a plan for me. I know that this might not be the ideal life for a 24 year old. But this is the life I have been given. I know that when we suffer, He suffers.  And I also know that He works all things together for the good. I know that I am learning strength and reliance on God. My faith grows every day and His promises become more apparent as well.

One day I will live a full life. I know that I will be an awesome creative arts director. I know that I will travel the country effecting people's lives through the arts. I have faith that one day I will have an awesome man of God by my side who is gonna be freakin legit. And I know that I know that one day I will be one hundred percent healthy. So instead of taking my life into my own hands, like Romeo and Juliet, I choose to continue to trust God and put my faith and hope in His promises. I pray you do the same as well. I pray you take time to reflect on your life and everything that God has brought you through. Know that He has your future in His hands, and know that it is gonna be awesome. So continue to trust God, even in your time of pain, because God knows what He is doing.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

What I Learned from Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Because my mother and I serve in different ministries, we never get to go to Sunday service together. I usually go on Saturdays and she usually goes to the last Sunday morning service before she serve in Spanish Service. When she gets home, we have made it a habit to discuss the sanctuary service. I went first, then my mom started to talk. She said that the offertory song "He'll Do It Again" really touched her. She said this as her eyes watered. So I grabbed her hand. She began to cry as she said some of the lyrics "We may not know how, and we may not know when, but He'll do it again". She went on to say that God brought us through this the first time, and He will do it again. By the time she stopped talking, I was crying too.

It brought me back to the movie 50/50. The movie is about a young man who has a 50 percent chance at life. It follows his life and the people around him. In a later scene, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character has a big fight with his best friend. Later that night he finds his friend's book with notes and highlight areas about getting through sickness, making him realize that his friend has been there every step of the way and helped him all along.

As my mom cried, and as I thought about the movie, it made me think of all the people who were there for me and who have been here for me the past four years. When you are sick, you tend to think about yourself, you forget about all the pain and struggle it causes the people around you. Without my mom and without my best friends, I don't think I would have the perspective I have today. My mom and my friends are a pillar of strength and I love them so much for it.

Renae- She is the type of person that keeps it real. She doesn't tolerate pity or self doubt. She understand that I am in physical pain, but she never lets me dwell on it. She is the only person that really asks about my everyday life, like school and ministry. She keeps me focused on my day to day life, and I am very thankful for that.

Lauren- This woman is pretty awesome. She is someone who doesn't need to say anything and makes you feel better. She reads me very well, so she knows when I am happy or when I just need to be away from the world. She is the friend that understands my mood the most, so I like being around her. When I am around her, I don't have to pretend to be strong. I can just be me, and she is ok with that.

Scott- This guy. He is the friend that keeps me smiling. I get silly text messages about sticks, Wolverine and Star Wars. I know he is a very busy man, so for him to take time out of his day to talk nonsense really means a lot. I know that when I am finished talking to him, I will be smiling, and thats something I think every person who is sick needs.

Jani Lopez (aka the best mom in the world)- She has been there every step of the way, and when I am to weak, she has carried me through. She is the strongest woman I know and the most loving mother. I couldn't get through this without her. When I can't physically do something, she will help me do it. She has stayed up countless night helping me take my pills, getting me water, or just praying over me as I cry. On nights when I can't sleep because of the pain, she will even lay by my side until I fall asleep. Words can't describe how selfless she is and how amazing she is.

Like the song says, we will get through this again. Thank you guys so much for being by my side. Thank you for not abandoning me. I know sometimes it may not be easy, and I am sure sometimes you don't know what to do or say. But being who you guys are is more than enough. I love you and I thank God for you.

To anyone who is sick, I encourage you to take time today and reflect on the amazing people in your lives that we take for granted. Don't forget that they are going through this with you. They may find it hard as well. Take time to thank them for being there. And if you are healthy, I pray you take time to make an extra effort this week to be there for your friends. They need you more than you think, and you influence them more than you could imagine.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

The Blame Game

On Thursday nights, I have History Revival class. Its pretty awesome, we learn about people and the effect they have had on revival. Its a super tough class, and I am definitely the youngest person there. It's a two hour class, so we usually have a 10 minute break in between. Last night, Mr and Mrs. Scherer (an amazing couple I have known for a majority of my life) asked if they could pray for healing. To my surprise, the whole class wanted to pray. I thought, "Awesome, revival in revival class. God you are so cool like that."
After a good fifteen minutes of prayer, it was clear to me that I felt just as sick as when we started. Even though my body wasn't completely healed, I felt a peace, and I was just thankful to have a class that loves me enough to pray for me. It's hard to get out of bed and go to class, so little things like this make it feel worth it. I felt encouraged and grateful.

 Maybe five minutes after we sat down, two people began to ask questions about healing. The two people said, "We can all have faith, but if she [referring to me] doesn't have enough faith, we aren't going to see a miracle". After standing for 15 minutes, I was to exhausted to rebuttal. But I thought "not enough faith?? haha you clearly don't know me."

 First, I firmly believe that God is the Healer. I know that at any second all He has to say is one word and I am healed. There is no need to question my faith. I wake up every day knowing that I will dance again. Its my faith that keeps me going, my faith that keeps me strong. Second, there are so many examples in the Bible where people did not have faith and God still did a miracle. Look at the Israelites leaving Egypt, God still parted the sea. Jonah fleeing his calling, God still brought him to Ninevah. Thomas and the disciples, Jesus still rose from the dead. My God is omnipotent, that means that He is all powerful. He can do whatever He wants.

After class, Jorrel pulled me aside to remind me that. I don't know what those people in class where trying to do. Make me feel bad? Try to put the blame on someone? In the end, I don't feel bad for me. I don't care if they think I don't have enough faith. I am a living testimony of faith! I feel bad for them. Just because God doesn't answer your payer the way you want Him to doesn't mean He isn't healing. I feel bad that they thought they had to make excuses for an omnipotent God, by blaming someone's faith. In the end, God can heal me right now or He can use a surgeon as a tool. No matter what He does, He is God, so why question His ways?

The two things I learned last night was that its awesome to see people like Mr. Scherer step out in faith. I encourage everyone too. It was a blessing to have him pray for me, and I know that my healing is coming. Second, I am thankful for people who know me enough to tell me not to listen to discouraging people. I am thankful for Jorrel and the fact that he spoke up. When people are sick, they don't need people blaming them, they need people like Mr. Sherer and Jorrel to stand beside them.

 I hope that today, if you are sick, you know that there are people standing with you and agreeing with you in prayer. And if you are healthy, I pray that you continue to support your loved ones going through a tough time. Today, take time to remember, God is the healer, and every day is a miracle.

With hope and love,

Jesalyn

The Big Question

Today, before class. I went to the church early to pray. My favorite place to be with God is in front of the church at the cross. I sat on top of my car, wrapped in my blanket as I talked to God. As I was praying, one of my girls drove by and stopped her car. I told her to get out. We had a quick conversation. Both of us sick, and I am sure both of us weak. We began to cry, and the only thing that she got out of her mouth was, "Why?"

 Its hard to think about being sick. We question God. Why us? Why now? I am just a girl. I can't do it. I can't lie; sometimes I ask God the same thing. But then I am reminded of Job. He lost everything. He was sick. It was so bad, that he wanted to die. (And anyone facing physical pain knows the feeling). When God finally answered Job, He takes three chapters to remind Job that God is God. He has everything in control.

 In the end, God knew that Job was strong enough to get through his pain. With our lives, God is in control. He is the same God that created the earth, and the same one that holds the sun in its place. He knows what we are going through, and He knows we can get through it.

So I have learned to stop asking, "Why is this happening to my life?" Instead I ask, "What can I do with the life I have?" In the end, we can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we look at the situation. Instead of walking in pity, we need to walk in strength. I pray for strength over you all. I pray that we continue to know that our lives have purpose, even in sickness.
With hope and love,
Jesalyn

First Things First, Why start a blog?

The past two weeks I have been struggling with my illness. I have bone metastasis in my humorous. Basically I have a tumors growing in and breaking my bone. One of the first medical symptoms of it is "excruciating pain". I have battled this for four years now, and this is the second time I am going to be going to surgery. The first time I was very quit about it. I was going to do the same until two weeks ago.

 Every Sunday I have had the privilege of mentoring a group of junior girls at my church. This week, one of my girls began to open up about her illness. In this moment, I realized that there are so many young girls that struggle with their every day health, and they feel alone in it. I am writing this to encourage them and to let them know that with God, we can conquer all. 

At this point, every day is a struggle. I feel sick and weak. It hurts to get up in the morning and it hurts to sleep at night. That is why for me, every day is a miracle. This blog is dedicated to the two girls in my small group that wake up every day facing their illness. This is for every person who is scared to face the physical pain and exhaustion of their day. This is for the person who know how it feels to walk around a hospital and feel at home. I pray that this allows people to be encouraged. If you are going through something similar, you need to know that you are not alone. God is in control. 

To my two girls, you are beautiful, you are loved, and you are strong. 
With hope and love,
Jesalyn